My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
