i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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