I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
