My nipple is on Facebook.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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