I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
