Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
