I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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