i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it's not cheating when I paid for it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
