my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
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I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We are all done wearing pants today
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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