Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
