you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
