I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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