She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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