It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
