I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
