its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
