I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
