Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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