wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
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Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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