You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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