You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
