Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
