i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize