I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
