I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sorry about my life...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
