if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I would fuck him just for his dog
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
