drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
