If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
