I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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