my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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