Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
