What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
