my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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