i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
