12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
