can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
