I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
