Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
