i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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