shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
