Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize