I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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