I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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