after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize