Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
