Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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