I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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