nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
