i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
someone owes me an orgasm
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
