ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
