The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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