I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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