glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
