I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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