All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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