That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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