saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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