Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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