i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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