meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
